1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need to calm my uterus...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
