Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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