god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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