what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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