not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize