all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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