i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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