return my video game
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
