i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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