Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We need to rekindle our bromance
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
PANTIES FOUND
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
