Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
