Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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