it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
