he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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