i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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