I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Randomize
