I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
