i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
