Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
