so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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