it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sarcasm needs its own font
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
