Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize