My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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