the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
