I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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