captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
