kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
