If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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