He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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