He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
