I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
