After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
