my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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