sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize