I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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