God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
