Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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