I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize