The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
