fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
