Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize