I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
