In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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