I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
