dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
