I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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