I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
