Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize