so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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