I'm jealous of your bromance
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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