I feel great
I just peed on a car
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
