I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
