I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
