I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize