There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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