One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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