I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
