i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
