a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize