How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
