what day is it and did you see me today?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize