How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
