dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize