your room smells of hookers.
And success
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
