I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
